And when everything becomes stable

It's amazing how fast time flies; last year I was lost and contemplating what to do with my life and now I am still lost and uncertain of what to do with my life but with a certain kind of twist.


Three days from now I will be having the longest office job in my life, congratulations to a six- month stable job at the Changi airport, congratulations too with a one- year steady partner! Am I happy now? Well, everything seems to be normal, I get to pay my bills, I can afford to travel, I can pay my social security, and I'm even starting to have savings and security service. In short, everything seems to be a normal cycle.

The more stable I get, the crazier I get inside. I get this feeling of being trapped and suffocated. Everything I do seems to be out of habit already. It  can really get frustrating. I thought I wanted stability, but this stability is the same reason while I feel so expired, so tired of going through the mundane.

I wanted to avoid this feeling of nonchalance. I have a stress- free easy job, I got fun friends, a boyfriend I've wished for, a nice condo, travels and night outs; I am living in a wonderful, modern city with all the fun I could ever ask for. But everyday is all the same, I hate myself for feeling miserable. I was two hundred meters high with a three hundred sixty degree view of Singapore one night, and it really didn't amaze me. What amazed me was the amount of money I had to pay just to go up there and have an ice cold beer. Everything is for a price if you want to enjoy it, nothing is free, and nothing is even natural! Everything around me was screaming so artificial!

This is one of the longest periods of my life being so depressed. How come I got the security that I wanted but still feeling unhappy. I lack inspiration, I lack motivation. I feel like I'm a flower slowy withering and waiting to die. Should I wait for my slow death? I really need something substantial.

What if?

What if you left your house ten minutes before the usual time? What if you took a sudden right turn when you were initially headed to the left? Decisions, decisions;  everyday we are presented by different options, different possibilities that could lead to other potential universe  and opportunities awaiting us.

Did you ever experience telling yourself:  “if I have.....then I wouldn’t have….”? Could have been you would not have met an accident, met the man of your dreams, or missed the train (the examples are forever).   Just think of those utterances we make when we should have or could have done something different from the usual routine that could have made a difference and a big impact in our lives. Am I making sense here? I just realized the decisions I made over the past few years and I found myself uttering the same words: WHAT IF…..

I suddenly realized its magic! And I am starting to understand how the universe works, and believe me it just keeps getting better and better! All you have to do is ASK, ask, and even without asking the universe knows the deepest desires of your heart. Ok I am just ecstatic here and you might be thinking I am going crazy with the universe theory whatsoever, so let me give you examples to show you what I mean.

What if…. #1 What if I continued to take up Political Science and pursue  my dream of being a lawyer instead of taking up European Languages?

Outcome: Then I wouldn’t have the advantage and be like everyone else. I wouldn’t be able to be a tour guide and get the special “French” inbound groups. I wouldn’t be understanding French songs and movies. I wouldn’t be having the inspiration to travel and explore so many cultures. I wouldn’t be ME.

What if…. #2 What if I didn’t walk randomly to the Department of Tourism one July afternoon after I found out I couldn’t get my dream job?

Outcome:  Then I wouldn’t be doing what I love to do now, which is being a tour guide! I came to the tourism office at the right time because the screening was even on that weekend (the training is only a yearly event and I got so lucky to be just in time). I wouldn’t have toured the Philippines for free! I wouldn’t have met the people who helped me in so many ways till now, like those tourists who shared and taught me a lot of things about culture and the French language not to mention all the gifts and tips they gave me.

What if…. #3 What if I didn’t talk to the stranger at the bar one Sunday evening in Vietnam?

Outcome: Then I should kiss goodbye my ultimate dream, which is to see Europe! Thank you very much Alex for being a nice friend to me; sending me an invitation and acting out as a guarantee and boyfriend (for visa purposes) for my application to the almost impossible to get Schengen Visa. What if I didn’t talk to you that night and exchanged Facebook details?  Little did we know that the 2 hours conversation we had was my ticket to realizing my dream! I had the opportunity to explore Europe, experience the World Cup and be in Paris during the Bastille.

What if…. #4 What if I didn’t make a Couch Surfing account and put Cebu as my location?

Outcome: Then I wouldn’t be in Singapore now. I wouldn’t have met Florian whom I met through CS. Another what if, if I may add is “What if I didn’t agree to meet him”. Then I might be stuck at home being the miserable and problematic girl not knowing what to do with her life and having issues with everything she wants to have problems with. I wouldn’t have the opportunity or even the slightest idea of trying my luck and venturing here in Singapore, of which now I got a job and looking forward to a wonderful adventure filled life ahead.

You see when I was about to finish my journal entry, I suddenly realized the pattern! EUREKA!!! The universe is so GREAT! God is so smart and cool! Things happen because this is what we desire, this is what we want to be, and this is how we make it. Try to repel it and you’ll be a slave to the “what ifs” dark side, the “what might have been”. It’s simple, you just have to go with the flow and be at peace with yourself, be happy and be inspired, be fluid like the water and never do the things that are no value to you. Do what you love, and be with the people who inspire you. I am really amazed by this pattern, and when you get to master it, everything seems to take place the way you want it to be and the way you designed it should be, PLUS you always get the perfect timing and luck, you meet the people whom you will need, and slowly during the process you discover who you are and you are at peace with the world as you achieve personal satisfaction and joy.

I am feeling thankful and blessed and super overwhelmed with all the wonderful things happening in my life right now. May this be a way of showing my gratitude to all the people and the factors that contributed to this state to which I am right now. Each moment is cherished, locked and forever treasured in my heart.

P.S. There are still a lot of what ifs situations and people involved, if I failed to mention you please do not worry or feel sad. You guys are equally special and without you, what would Mia's life be? You guys ROCK :)