I am longing for that old youthful abandon....

Just a weird realization:

In a relationship, when you steal someone from another person, people always tell you how bad you are for ruining a wonderful relationship. Years have passed and you see the person you steal from very happy with a new love, married, blissful and contented. Do you think it ever occurred in the persons mind to thank you instead? Without stealing the past un-meant to be person, what way should  he/she meet the present perfect one?

And when everything becomes stable

It's amazing how fast time flies; last year I was lost and contemplating what to do with my life and now I am still lost and uncertain of what to do with my life but with a certain kind of twist.


Three days from now I will be having the longest office job in my life, congratulations to a six- month stable job at the Changi airport, congratulations too with a one- year steady partner! Am I happy now? Well, everything seems to be normal, I get to pay my bills, I can afford to travel, I can pay my social security, and I'm even starting to have savings and security service. In short, everything seems to be a normal cycle.

The more stable I get, the crazier I get inside. I get this feeling of being trapped and suffocated. Everything I do seems to be out of habit already. It  can really get frustrating. I thought I wanted stability, but this stability is the same reason while I feel so expired, so tired of going through the mundane.

I wanted to avoid this feeling of nonchalance. I have a stress- free easy job, I got fun friends, a boyfriend I've wished for, a nice condo, travels and night outs; I am living in a wonderful, modern city with all the fun I could ever ask for. But everyday is all the same, I hate myself for feeling miserable. I was two hundred meters high with a three hundred sixty degree view of Singapore one night, and it really didn't amaze me. What amazed me was the amount of money I had to pay just to go up there and have an ice cold beer. Everything is for a price if you want to enjoy it, nothing is free, and nothing is even natural! Everything around me was screaming so artificial!

This is one of the longest periods of my life being so depressed. How come I got the security that I wanted but still feeling unhappy. I lack inspiration, I lack motivation. I feel like I'm a flower slowy withering and waiting to die. Should I wait for my slow death? I really need something substantial.

Blog bblog dblah blah

Thoughts in my head.. blogs blogs.. even in my bed.. 

It has been awhile since I wrote on my blog. I know I should have given it more devotion not for the sake of just writing about something but for remembering wonderful events and people that had made all my journeys memorable. There are so many wonderful and unique moments shared, and to make my travel blog interesting, I thought of dedicating the stories to the unique persons I meet along the way, can I say a travel blog with a heart? Because without them, a place won't hold a special place in my heart sans the special experience I had with them.

There are many things I want to improve, so many concepts I have in mind, so many story lines, and all of the memories yet to put to writing. I get frustrated sometimes to think that my blog about my travel travels and about me as my thoughts and experiences, and even random musing are a little bit mixed up with the target audience I want to reach. But then again what matters most is that I was able to say what I feel, and then this becomes an open journal? I am just talking loud to myself with all the thoughts in my head. I think I’m blabbering. There are so many things to improve, like my writing skills, photography skills and a lot of skills. Complaining and evaluating will not get me anywhere! Therefore I must start to write! Write and learn as I go along the way! Practice makes perfect.

Cheers!

( I just want to get this out of my chest and head!)

Goodnight!