Stars - Elevator Love Letter

I feel this everyday.. elevator please take me home!

I am longing for that old youthful abandon....

I woke up this morning with a loud thumping on my head.  Pound and pound, the harder it goes. Bang, bang! It seems that there is no escape. Yes I am in constant stress, and I might admit to myself that is this challenge what I really want?

I think I passed my quarter life crisis. I am turning 26 this year, a painful realization that I am indeed old right now, so what do I really want?  What am I doing here? As I am in a constant struggle of convincing myself to be tied to something permanent, my other side starts to wander. Have I explored the world yet to decide to settle? I am not even halfway yet! 

Some of my friends are married and having babies. I think it must be the trend nowadays and I am no way seeing myself buying this for now. I think I’m starting this stress trend. Where yes I have enrolled myself in all the physical and meditation classes, looking for other classes like photography classes where I can have an outlet to another world.

I really admire those people who stay long in their jobs. Both my parent stayed in their field for more than twenty years. I think I have this 150 days of tenacity over a job. After some time I feel tied, stressed and weary, often asking myself “is this where I really want to be”?

I think this is all about me complaining. There is no use in complaining. I just want to let it out before.. before… AAARRRGGGHHH! The next headache comes.

Just a weird realization:

In a relationship, when you steal someone from another person, people always tell you how bad you are for ruining a wonderful relationship. Years have passed and you see the person you steal from very happy with a new love, married, blissful and contented. Do you think it ever occurred in the persons mind to thank you instead? Without stealing the past un-meant to be person, what way should  he/she meet the present perfect one?

a tribute to my mother and to all the dedicated PAL employees

It’s finally over. After years of struggle, uncertainties and turmoil my mother together with the thousand others will be terminated from their jobs in an effort to save millions and reduce human resources for the company. This is a painful end I know most especially to my mother.  I grew up with Philippine Airlines, the company both my parents loved and devoted their whole life to, the one I see how ruthlessly and wholeheartedly the PALEA labor union has been fighting for. It breaks my heart to see how these dedicated, well experienced employees will soon be replaced by contractual amateurs. It will be a difficult start for them, but I have so much faith in what’s to come.  Philippine Airlines, Asia’s first Airline will never be the same again. To all the PAL employees, I salute you! 

And when everything becomes stable

It's amazing how fast time flies; last year I was lost and contemplating what to do with my life and now I am still lost and uncertain of what to do with my life but with a certain kind of twist.


Three days from now I will be having the longest office job in my life, congratulations to a six- month stable job at the Changi airport, congratulations too with a one- year steady partner! Am I happy now? Well, everything seems to be normal, I get to pay my bills, I can afford to travel, I can pay my social security, and I'm even starting to have savings and security service. In short, everything seems to be a normal cycle.

The more stable I get, the crazier I get inside. I get this feeling of being trapped and suffocated. Everything I do seems to be out of habit already. It  can really get frustrating. I thought I wanted stability, but this stability is the same reason while I feel so expired, so tired of going through the mundane.

I wanted to avoid this feeling of nonchalance. I have a stress- free easy job, I got fun friends, a boyfriend I've wished for, a nice condo, travels and night outs; I am living in a wonderful, modern city with all the fun I could ever ask for. But everyday is all the same, I hate myself for feeling miserable. I was two hundred meters high with a three hundred sixty degree view of Singapore one night, and it really didn't amaze me. What amazed me was the amount of money I had to pay just to go up there and have an ice cold beer. Everything is for a price if you want to enjoy it, nothing is free, and nothing is even natural! Everything around me was screaming so artificial!

This is one of the longest periods of my life being so depressed. How come I got the security that I wanted but still feeling unhappy. I lack inspiration, I lack motivation. I feel like I'm a flower slowy withering and waiting to die. Should I wait for my slow death? I really need something substantial.

Blog bblog dblah blah

Thoughts in my head.. blogs blogs.. even in my bed.. 

It has been awhile since I wrote on my blog. I know I should have given it more devotion not for the sake of just writing about something but for remembering wonderful events and people that had made all my journeys memorable. There are so many wonderful and unique moments shared, and to make my travel blog interesting, I thought of dedicating the stories to the unique persons I meet along the way, can I say a travel blog with a heart? Because without them, a place won't hold a special place in my heart sans the special experience I had with them.

There are many things I want to improve, so many concepts I have in mind, so many story lines, and all of the memories yet to put to writing. I get frustrated sometimes to think that my blog about my travel travels and about me as my thoughts and experiences, and even random musing are a little bit mixed up with the target audience I want to reach. But then again what matters most is that I was able to say what I feel, and then this becomes an open journal? I am just talking loud to myself with all the thoughts in my head. I think I’m blabbering. There are so many things to improve, like my writing skills, photography skills and a lot of skills. Complaining and evaluating will not get me anywhere! Therefore I must start to write! Write and learn as I go along the way! Practice makes perfect.

Cheers!

( I just want to get this out of my chest and head!)

Goodnight!